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A Bit Av Chat with Maid Lowenna
Ere, didee see that there Crufts on tellee? I nevurr seen sa many dogs in my born days, everurry sort und kind. Owurr awld rauvurr gibbum bell tink when ee seed um, nearly scat tha tellee auvurr. Tiz knaw wundurr issa? Sum av they dogs wuz sum sights, airy ones, und sum uz bald as a bladdurr av lard, und did ee see they awnurrs fliskun up their cawts ta maake um prinky. Caint think wot they'd do with rauvurr ta maake un look fitty, ee gawt a cawt like a auvuss thatch. I dawn't some ow think that eed av won a prize, you.
Thaw I tellee lass year they ad won av they novelty dog shaws in tha village und rouvurr wunned tha prize furr tha dog thut looked mawst like iz awnurr. I dawn't think Feythurr wuz all that plaised bout un mind speschully when ee eard tha judge sayun they wuz bawth rough uz downzurrs. They ad won tha class furr tha noisiest dog. I heard Mrs. Arris say ta er May, "Eere Boysie da ate black dogs, put un side that there black collie." Well I'll tellee Boysie barked sa much you cuddun ear yourself speak, still ee wunned first prize sure nuff.
Then they ad won av they hobstickle raaces. Furst ting they ad do wuz crawl through a tunnel maade with straw baales. Twuz sum fun, cuz tha furst dog cocked iz leg gainst tha baale av straw, saw every dog thut cummed afturr un wuz sniffun und followun suit. We scat our sides laffun, but tha raace ad ta be called off in tha end. Twudden knaw good ta put rauvurr in fur that cuz ee's like Jan Trelawney's dog, ee da lean gainst tha wall ta cock iz leg, still we da deerly lubbum.
Course now they idden lowed on tha beaches, und I da agree widdun. Tiddun sa much tha mess they da maake. I da reckon humans da maake more mess un tha dogs. Knaw tiz tha sand und say waturr I'm gainst - teddun knaw good furr their cawts t'all.
Do ee remember Bert and Lily Skinner's dog years agaw? Twuz won av they Jack Russell terriers, a propurr aithun ee wuz. If she shut un out in tha garden ee'd pull all er washun off tha clawthes line, ee cud jump like a stag, you. They usta gaw beach widdun. They'd settle down und off ee'd gaw uz breechy uz deers. Ee'd pinch people's croust, flink sand uall auvurr anybuddy ee fancied, ee wuz a propurr lemb. If ee cummed back ta Lily, Bert wud shoo un away uz if ee'd never seen un fore, till twuz time ta gaw awme. Spaawse twuz tha awnly way they cud av bit av peace. Wuddun be lowed day would a? They da seem to be down on dogs teday. Still Feythurr da say, "Tha more I da see av humans, tha more I da think av me dog."
